VICTIM
STORIES
Marie's Story.
I’m happy today, I love myself today. I know my worth today.
My name is Marie and this is my story. When I was growing up as a child I lived in a home where drug use was prevalent. My mother and father were both addicts. I had five siblings and lots of aunties and uncles and cousins. I would consider myself a happy kid growing up despite the drugs and neglect. We were poor and on welfare but I never really noticed that we were dirt poor. I had friends that I played with all the time and it was a fun time.
When I was about 10 I was molested by a family friend and at the age of 11 I was molested again by my moms friend. Two different guys in the span of a year. I didn’t really value myself after that and my self esteem began to suffer.
As I got older and became independent and on my own, I met my daughters father. I was 16. I had this idea that I wanted the American dream. To be married to have kids. I believed in monogamy. Traditional marriage values. When he cheated on me after one year of marriage and a child I left. I was just looking for love. That’s it. Someone with the same morals as me.
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One day my one year old daughter and I were walking down the street and I was approached by a man driving a Lexus car. He had lots of jewelry and I was infatuated by his lifestyle. He started talking. I didn’t know he was a predator.
He told me how beautiful I was, how he was attracted to me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I was ecstatic. He took me and my baby to ride in his nice car. Treated me special. Told me everything I wanted to hear for a few months. Then, he started telling me that if I loved him I would do sexual things I normally wouldn’t do. This was grooming.
My working name was “Angelique” and the title of the ad was “Angelique speaks Greek.” Greek is the term for providing anal sex.
I was being groomed for this. I was forced to learn to enjoy, or pretend I liked anal and truthfully I hated it. It was uncomfortable and painful but it was a lucrative service for “Papi and T” so, they made sure to get top dollar.
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I was stuck in an apartment with my one year old. In one room, and me having sex with multiple men while they kept the money. I kept telling him, this wasn’t right because Papai and I had stopped being intimate, and my sexual relationships with multiple strangers every day wasnt right and to make me feel better they would get stuff for my daughter.
“Papi” would say he loves me and I’m doing this for us. At some point I got depressed and wanted to escape from them. This is when they used drugs. I was introduced to heroin and coke. The effect of the drugs kept me physically numb to pain so my clients could use my body in anyway they seemed to want.
I started to be sexually sodomized by “Papi” so that I could stay “prepared” and I stopped caring about anything. At some point all I cared about were the drugs and I couldn’t have them unless I made my quota.
He was grooming me to be a prostitute. He had me sleeping with his friends at first and when I told him I did not feel comfortable he would use my love for him against me. He would say that if I loved him I would do it. That he’s only attracted to freaky girls. He always made me feel if I didn’t do it, there was plenty of girls that would.
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Once I got comfortable with the sex acts themselves, he introduced me to an older woman (a madam in a since). He had me and my daughter live with her. She started posting ads in a local paper for escorts on my behalf. I will never forget the title and the name they chose for me!
So, I was a machine - 7 days a week - 7 clients a day. When I finally broke, I ended walking out after one year and experienced withdrawal for the first time. By then, the only way to make money at this point was prostitution. I had been re-programmed. I did this for 20 years.
It wasn’t until I went into recovery and got clean that I could face what I had been through and realized I was a victim to a pimp. I was groomed and coerced and tricked into selling sex for money. All through this I was physically beaten to stay, I was physically addicted to drugs. They introduced me to these drugs and the drugs were used to control my every move. I was being used and abused and controlled, when love was no longer working, using physically addictive substances became the weapon of choice to keep me trapped in the dark world of sex for money.
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I am finally learning to forgive myself. I was young and naive. Today I know that wasn’t love, I was a victim. For a long time I had a terrible self image. I thought I was only good for sex. So my confusion for many years about self worth, recovery from the addition to drugs and working a 12 step program helped me realize that not only do we recover from addiction to substances but also from abuse.
I’m happy today, I love myself today. I know my worth today.
Marie is a THRIVER.